i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
