dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
