It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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