There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize