I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
