My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
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