am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
