6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
please come you make the beer taste better
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize