Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
