I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
