I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
