Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
