where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
