I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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