I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
