This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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