I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
