I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
