alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
