You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
