So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
