So drunk its hurt
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
