i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
