you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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