Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Drunk is not a location!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
