The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
