i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
