plz talk dirty to me
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
