Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
