You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
