im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
