i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
