how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
