Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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