This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
