He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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