i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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