she smelled like a LAN party
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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