Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
