is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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