Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
