The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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