gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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