I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
