if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
