everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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