all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
