How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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