I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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