May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
