u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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