have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
