Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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