My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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