I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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