I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
