eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
