Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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