goodnight i made you a song goodbye
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
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I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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