So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
