Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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