apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
