dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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