State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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