i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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