i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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