This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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