Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
