you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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