Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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