I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
