Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize