thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
