I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
