I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
