we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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