I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
