hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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