thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
