Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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