do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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