We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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