GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
