the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
