Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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