I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize