i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
