come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
