I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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