just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
